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Monday, June 13, 2011

Florida’s Non-Violent Opposition to Drugs

When I first heard of the new welfare drug testing law signed by Rick Scott, the governor of Florida, I was skeptical. Would the savings of not paying welfare benefits to drug users balance the cost of administering a testing program? Is the testing constitutional by federal law? Should the government be able to tell anybody what they can and can’t do with their lives including using drugs?

This issue allows me to stretch my brain in balancing my leanings toward both conservative economic policy and liberal personal liberty. As a taxpayer, I don’t want the revenues generated from my labors to support the drug habit of another person. However, if that same person wants to do drugs on their own dime, then have at it.

The facts as I understand them are below:

1. As of July 1, 2011, any applicants for state welfare benefits in Florida will be tested for drugs as part of the application process.

2. The drug test is paid for by the applicant. The applicant is reimbursed if the test is passed.

3. An individual that fails the test can designate another person to receive benefits on behalf of his or her children.

4. A failed applicant may not re-apply for one year or may re-apply following the completion of a drug abuse program.

Right away with fact number one, I notice that this does not apply to current benefit recipients. It is new applicants only. I have not located a copy of the law yet, but no news outlet I have seen details any provisions for testing those already receiving public assistance. My guess is that the law does not apply to those already in the program in order to better stand up under Constitutional scrutiny.

The fourth amendment protects citizens from unreasonable search and seizure. The fourteenth provides for due process before cutting off a welfare recipient’s benefits. Interestingly, the fourteenth amendment also provides for something interpreted as “freedom of contract.” This allows a corporation and an individual to enter into a private contract free from government restrictions. A government agency may be different than a corporation, but the freedom of contract concept could possibly be in effect here. Therefore, if an individual wants welfare benefits, they enter into a contract with the government to submit to a drug test before receiving said benefits. I’m no Constitutional expert, but it seems reasonable on the surface.

Fact number two provides for a portion of the funding for the test. It curtails the extra expense for drug testing when the applicant fails the test. Those that pass are reimbursed. That’s nice. Now I stick my big fat BUT in here. What kind of bureaucracy has been created or enlarged to administer all this? I haven’t seen any projected figures on how much it will cost for the testing equipment and employees to perform the necessary tasks. Will it actually be less than money saved from not paying out additional benefits? I suspect additional infrastructure would be minimal considering drug testing is very common and not particularly expensive. There are well-established parameters on how to perform such testing. It would be necessary to print new forms adding in the drug test to the application process, but that too seems small.

Let’s project that one denied applicant would have received from $100 to $700 per month for a family. Per the ACLU, average cost per drug test in 2008 was $42. I have no idea how many applicants would fail the test. I’m going to base it on 1 in 100 applicants will fail. Spending would be $4,158 on 99 drug tests. If the failed applicant would have received the minimum, the state would be avoiding a payout of $1,200 per year. The maximum not paid would be $8,400.

Admittedly, there are a lot of factors not included here. Benefits may also include rent assistance, food stamps, medical care and insurance and other allowances. At any rate, if more people are closer to the minimum payout, there’s not a lot of saving here.

An excellent vintage!

Fact number three above seems like a big concern to me. I am going to assume the designated benefit receiver would have to go through the same application procedure. If they don’t, the whole program is an utter waste of time. Still, that’s quite a loophole. I’m sure most parents or siblings would do this for an applicant without too much complaint. Or maybe anyone would do it for a small kickback, further corrupting the purpose of public assistance funds.

I like fact number four. One year seems like a reasonable amount of time before re-applying. Time for a BUT again. It seems like an added cost to keep tabs on this and even more so, to track time spent in drug abuse programs and determine if such programs were indeed successful.

On the surface, I don’t really have an issue with requiring welfare recipients to be drug free. Just like your parents said “my house, my money, my rules” when you were young, the government can say the same thing when it’s footing your bills. I do have an issue with the cost of keeping up with the program. I commend Florida for the requirement, but this should be watched closely to see if the savings outweigh the costs.

You may have noticed I said “on the surface” in the previous paragraph. That was your cue I’m not done rambling just yet. If you don’t like freedom, this is where you get off the ride. Stop reading (if you haven’t already…yawn) because now I’m going to state two more things that may be heavily disagreed with.

Drugs should be legal. Really. It’s my choice if I want to do take drugs. That doesn’t actually invalidate drug testing to get free money. If you’re taking a hand-out, you can be told what to do by your benefactor. It’s just like when you are employed and your company states you will be tested if you agree to work there. Absolutely. That is a contract. Employers have a choice to hire on that basis. Which companies will be more successful? Ones with slacker druggies or ones with productive people taking pride in their work? A contract is still regulation, but you choose it so it is also liberty.

Welfare should be completely reformed and mostly shut down. Now’s the time to say “WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN!?!” I’m sure most people would agree that children should not be allowed to starve. For the most part, they’d agree that the government should subsidize the care and housing for those unfortunate enough to be born to parents that can’t actually take care of them. Oddly, if approached on an individual basis to give money to families living in poverty, a lot of people would keep their cash for themselves. But they don’t seem to mind the government taking money from their pay and donating it to the same families. All I’m saying is that we have way too many people milking the system. I don’t want kids to starve, but I’d rather their parents paid for them.

I’ll end this with one final caution. A law frequently does more than intended or opens the door to even more laws. How long before Florida decides that since driving is government-regulated, all drivers must be drug-tested before receiving a license? What about testing for a business license? Then perhaps a fishing license?

Friday, May 20, 2011

Grown-Up Jell-O

Three things in this world always make me smile, reggae music, Jell-O shots and Canada Geese. This is my technique for making Jell-O shots.

One package of Jell-O is normally made with two cups of water. The general rule is to substitute alcohol for one third of the water content. I make my flavors from lightest to darkest color, so I don't waste time washing the mixing bowl between flavors yet none become discolored. Each package should make 14 shots. Use cheaper liquors for these since no one will know anyway.

Utilizing this technique means each shot contains about 1/3 ounce of liquor (1/3 of a normal shot). It may not seem like much, but it can creep up and surprise you. Too much liquor in a shot makes a more distinct alcohol flavor which I have found most people do not enjoy. Still, a few such high gravity shots can mix things up. Another advantage of this formula is non-drinkers will often still partake of one or two shots and feel included in the party atmosphere.

I use an answer key so I don't have to field questions all night about which is which. Before making the shots, I number the bottoms of the cups. I record them and print out what is in each number. Sometimes, I wait a while to display this key. It’s fun to make people guess.


The answer key above is a good start, but get creative. I have experimented with instant pudding, milk and chocolate liqueur. It works, but must be kept colder than gelatin with regards to finished product. Sometimes a little lime juice or grenadine is nice. Some people add fruit, but I prefer not to. Just think of any common drink and add Jell-O.

Boil water and mix one cup of it with your Jell-O in mixing bowl with whisk (or spoon). Fill one third cup of your measuring cup with ice or cold water. Fill the other two thirds with your chosen liquor. Mix this in then transfer the contents of mixing bowl back to measuring cup. Pour into your small cups. Refrigerate per Jell-O instructions.

To save fridge space:
Get a cardboard box. Liquor stores have a large supply and if you are reading this, I suspect you have been there lately. Use a box cutter or scissors to rip into sections to fit a shelf of your fridge. As shots are poured, place a layer on the fridge shelf. Place a cardboard section over completed shots then place the next batch on top etc.

Consuming your shots:
Don't tell your guests how to eat these because it's more fun to make them figure it out. However, since you are the host, you should look cool by having this knowledge. Run your tongue around the entire circumference of the shot between Jell-O and cup. Dump into mouth. If you really want to enjoy the shot, don't be shy. It's more fun to shove it all in your mouth at once. Only girly-girls take three bites. For Pete's sake, it's a shot!

Not recommended:
Unless it is an emergency, do not use mini bathroom rinsing cups (Dixie or other). You'll end up eating paper and it's much harder to eat the Jell-O.
Too much liquid content will not allow the gelatin to set properly. Stick to two cups liquid.

Materials:
sharpie
small plastic condiment cups (available in large quantities at Sam's)
liquor
small boxes of jell-o
mixing bowl
2 cup measuring cup with pouring spout
whisk


Thanks for joining me in the wholesome family fun that is Jell-O!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Dear Celery

Dear Celery,

I hate you. I have tried for many years to be tolerant, but I finally understand that I am unable to come to terms with your acerbic crunch. Your raw bitter burst offends my sensibilities. For a time, I thought I could at least stand your presence in soups or stews with your most noxious qualities boiled out of you. I was mistaken. Your flavor pervades and anything you are a part of becomes less desirable as a result. I regret that it had to come to this, but I must abandon any semblance of civility toward you. This is war, Celery.

Sincerely,
Pam

Friday, May 6, 2011

Pop Quiz

I hope I get a good grade.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Cinco de "Maya"

*Warning – Heart-warming content may not be suitable for some audiences. Please use caution.*

Cinco de Mayo is a day to celebrate and have a good time. Many of us aren’t really sure why aside from some vaguely Mexican reason. It turns out it’s mostly a U.S. holiday celebrating Mexican heritage and culture and also the date of a battle won by Mexico against France. Whatever. It’s fun. Have a margarita.

I go through this day in remembrance of something else entirely. This is the day I most remember Maya. I first met Maya when the family that found her called for help. They described a black cat and five kittens. The cat had been a stray that decided to stay with them. The kittens came shortly after. I reluctantly took in the feline family. Mom plus four kittens were black. I knew even my rescue group would have a hard time placing them. Black cats can be a tough sell.


I went through the standard procedures, testing for disease, spays and neuters and vaccinations. The babies were cute as are all kittens and they had a great mom. She was so attentive I decided to call her Maya (after the Maiasaur, a dinosaur with a rep as a good mom). Then it occurred to me there were five kittens: Cinco de Maya!

I couldn’t have been more lucky with those kittens. Predictably, the striped one, Marble, got a home first. But then the two black females, Penny and Whistle, got adopted together. A week later, the two black males, Slingshot and Button, got adopted together. I just had Maya left…for about four years.

My mom tried to take her in at one point while I was moving, but Maya turned out to be a biter. She was also not very affectionate or trusting. I took her back and she continued to be a caring mother figure each time I fostered kittens. Even if they were as big as her, she’d pin down a younger cat to clean its ears. I eventually came to understand that Maya was no longer a foster. She was my cat. She trusted me and sat on my lap whether I wanted her to or not.


The biggest problem with keeping Maya was she didn’t get along with my other cats, all much older than her. She hid in my office and I spent time with her when I could. I thought with her age, she would be around long after the others were gone and that would be “Maya’s time”. Sadly, about a year after the decision to keep her, she got sick.

Maya stopped eating and grooming. She lost weight fast. She couldn’t walk in a straight line. She was given emergency fluids and medicine. She ate again for about a day and a half then stopped. Her liver was failing. I had to make the hard decision and let her go. I was lucky to have the opportunity to spend time with her. I held her and brushed her and made her as comfortable as possible. I was with her at the vet’s office when the end came.

Now every year on Cinco de Mayo I think of the good mother cat that I got to know. I hope I made her life better. She was my friend and I miss her.