Pages

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Women in the Bathroom

A note I wrote two years ago came up in conversation today with a friend of mine. I decided to repost to this blog. Coincidentally, I checked the publish date and it was EXACTLY two years ago today: 11/03/2008. It is my fervent belief it is just as relevant today as it was then. Full text below...

Guys, stop reading right here. You don’t want to continue. Trust me.

Ladies, I’ll be blunt. Stop peeing on the seats in the bathroom. This goes for sporting events, restaurants, work or anywhere you might use a public restroom.

There ought to be special “hover only” stalls for you poor creatures that are so afraid of germs that you can’t comfortably sit on a toilet seat. I haven’t much sympathy for your fears since you are the ones also making it impossible for “sitters” to be comfortable. Face it, your aim is terrible, especially after a couple of drinks. Sometimes you even hit the floor adding another hazard to the whole experience.

Picture a poor inebriated “sitter” desparate to relieve herself. The only stall available has just been used by an equally inebriated “hoverer”. The hovering woman has splashed on the seat and the floor, but the sitter is in dire straits and can’t wait to go. She tries to follow the hoverers example, positioning herself carefully, then halfway through the maneuver slips on the floor splash, comes crashing down on the seat and is not only wet with your leavings, but possibly bruised as well. For shame, hoverer. Look what you’ve done.

Consider that your telephone at work, any doorknobs you touch and the person’s hand you last shook were probably all carrying more germs than a toilet seat. And how many of you have had unprotected “relations”? Yet you can’t sit on a relatively clean surface for thirty seconds?

Listen, if you absolutely will not sit on the seat, just use a seat cover. Don’t be so selfish. There is no reason to make a bathroom stall that unusable.

No comments:

Post a Comment