The Art of Choosing A Bathroom Stall

Do you think deeply about selecting a bathroom stall? Chance are, no. Yet for a few moments every day, it's right there at the top of your priorities. Either consciously or not, we all follow certain unwritten rules during this process.

Disabled Access
Generally, the handicapped stall is left open unless a disability is present. This stall is reserved out of respect for the disadvantages of disabled, injured or very large people. This rule is suspended in extreme circumstances to be detailed further on.

Pretty!

Proximity
Proximity rules change based on the current population of the room. A full house cancels out all choice. The rule of thumb is to select a stall that is not adjacent to a currently occupied stall. There are endless variations, many of which are effective for urinals as well as stalls.

Examples:
A. A four-stall bathroom with stall 1 occupied and stall 4 with handicapped access indicates entering stall 3.
B. A six-stall bathroom with stall 1 full and stall 6 handicapped indicates selection of 3 or 4.
C. A four-stall bathroom with stall 2 occupied and stall 4 handicapped still indicates a choice of stall 1 or 2, leaving the 4 open for the disadvantaged.

Expected Result
Entering a bathroom knowing you have a lot of "business" to do negates the usual respect attributed to handicapped access. Go all the way to end of the row. Choose the handicapped stall or the one right next to it. Odor will still be apparent, but possibly to a lesser degree. Your efforts to limit collateral damage will be appreciated.

Lack of Equipment
Just move on if paper is missing. It will not do to take an inordinate amount of time to select the next stall, so just go to next available, ignoring proximity. Helpful tip: At a concert (especially outdoor), the first time you go, paper will be plentiful. Take enough for two extra trips and shove it in your pocket. Things can get dicey later.

There's probably a phobia named after this.

Cleanliness
A dirty stall cancels out almost everything above. If a cursory glance indicates a soiled seat or if there is "unfinished business" lying around, move on quickly. Make exceptions for paper on the floor or in the bowl if it is clean.

Need for Speed
Desperate times call for desperate measures. When you just have to go NOW, abandon all above rules. If at all possible, choose someplace clean. You can always beg your neighbors for paper if that issue comes up.

Gender Differences
I would be remiss for not noting this is written from a female point of view. Men don't often have the luxury of stalls. I'm sure they still appreciate the unwritten rules of bathroom use. In fact, I'm told they have a special rule that women are not usually aware of. They have to maintain exactly the correct eye contact and direction of gaze. This is not a situation in which to smile or intitiate casual conversation. Save the talk for the sink. And please wash your hands while you're there.