Some of you already know of whom I speak. To those of you that do not: suspend your judgment for just a few minutes. Please read all the way through before declaring, “What sick bastards!”
It is a strange moment in time when you’re digging through your kitchen freezer and come up with a parakeet. But there was Reggie in a zipper bag, plumage as bright as the day he died.
The members of the household put their sleuthing heads together. What had possessed us to so preserve our little friend? We reviewed the facts.
Reggie was a standard green parakeet. I had inherited him from my job as an intern. The manager was moving and needed a home for his bird. Our household had other birds, so were used to caring for them. He spent his days happily pecking and chirping. He had his own cage without other birds, so foul play was not suspected.
Dramatic re-enactment of Reggie's life (from parakeetcare.org).
We also knew we had not placed him in the freezer alive. I know I mentioned we might have been “sick bastards”, but that would be cruel and horrible. One day, he simply passed on as pets are wont to do. Parakeets are neither the hardiest nor the longest-lived of household pets. It took some time, but we finally remembered we had frozen our little budgie just in case he had died of a transmissible bird disease we may later have needed to identify if our other birds became ill.
We felt better after realizing this. Our other birds had not had any issues, so Reggie had not been pulled out of the freezer for emergency autopsy. Unfortunately, the macabre re-discovery of the body was made in the dead of winter. In western New York, the ground if frozen pretty hard that time of year. Our best option was to pop Reggie back in the deep freeze and wait for the spring thaw to determine his final resting place. Good plan.
Not for use on frozen tundra.
I don’t remember who found Reggie the second time. I do remember that houseguests were present. I imagine the look of horror that on their faces as they understood they were eating food that came from that freezer. Then again, we had interesting friends, so perhaps it was merely a look of curiosity.
I recall we very quickly explained why there was a dead bird in the freezer. The guests relaxed. Their hosts were not horrible people and had just wanted to safeguard their other feathered friends. Right.
Somehow after a couple of friends knew there was a bird in our freezer, word got out. We never asked ourselves until later if it was strange that people started asking to see Reggie. Before long, on every occasion when we had visitors, Reggie made an appearance. The crowd would chant "Reggie! Reggie! Reggie!" until he made his brief appearances (so as not to thaw out). But he had become a mascot, an entertainer and…the Party Animal.
Reggie became so popular that as spring arrived with opportunities of softer ground, we were loathe to bury him. Friends felt the same, forbidding our planned memorial service.
A couple of years later, household changes were due. We had a college graduate, a high school graduate and a mom that wanted to relocate somewhere warmer. The apartment was packed up as we each made our decisions about where to go next. As we finished and some friends helped us load our possessions, we debated Reggie’s fate.
One friend volunteered to go buy a bag of ice for our cooler so we could bring Reggie to our new home in Atlanta. Politely, we declined. It was time for Reggie to be laid to rest. The truck was closed and the old apartment locked as we stood in a loose circle where the lilies of the valley grew by the side of the house. We all smiled at our fond memories of Reggie then hugged each other goodbye, leaving him behind to sleep.
Not for use as pet carrier.
The story of a parakeet usually ends abruptly. They are cheerful companions, but not made for long lifespans. Even their owners sometimes forget they existed after a time. Reggie, however, will be well-remembered by many. Now you may say “What sick bastards!” if you like.
